Kut to the Chase!
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: Kutner and Chase are going out and thinking of moving in together! Taub's the one who commited suicide! House has magic teleportation powers from closet to closet? Complete Crackfic and hilarious in my opinion, but that's just me! :D :S


Kutner rolled over and said, "Do you want to move in together?"

"What?" Robert Chase asked.

"Well we have been going out for quite a while," Kutner stated.

"Yeah, and we're not even public yet!" Robert responded in a snarky voice.

"We both know why that is," Kutner responded in an equally snarky voice. "And maybe it's time that House finds out about our relationship. We've been hiding it for a year! He's going to find out."

House jumped out of their closet and said, "You know I had a sneaking suspicion you two were gay, but then I checked your closet and you weren't there and I didn't know about anything, so I guess that means you're not gay."

"Yeah…" The two naked men said, as they 'casually' slid to the opposite sides of the bed and covered their nudity.

"Well anyways, I was just going to go, uh… what's an alternative to skinny-dipping…. Umm… bowling with Wilson," House said.

"Okay," the two men said and then continued their conversation. After Gregory left and went back into the closet and then there was a flash of light that showed that he had been teleported to a Hawaiian island where him and James Wilson were skinny-dipping.

"Well, frankly I don't give a fuck; you know that as soon as he finds out he won't shut his god damn mouth up about it!" The Australian man said.

"Yeah, and if he find out on his own it's going to be all the worse," the darker skinned of the men said, as a baby began to cry in the next room. "Besides he never found out about our adopted Chinese baby, Francois."

"Why do you speak about him in that title? Can't you just call him Francois?" Chase asked.

"No," replied Lawrence. "Because don't you remember? His official name on the adoption certificate was our adopted Chinese baby, Francois."

"Oh yeah," Chase said. "As soon as I saw her dazzling eyes, I just thought 'this is the name.'"

"Wait… Francois is a girl?" Asked Kutner.

"Why did you think all her blankets were pink?"

"Gay pride?" Asked Kutner.

"Speaking of which, I just realized. Our baby's been crying for the past half hour and we've been too busy arguing over its name and gender to do anything about it."

"I better go do something about this," said Cameron walking into the room.

"Good thing we hired my ex-wife as a nanny," Chase said.

"Wait, how do you change a diaper again?" asked Cameron. "I've never changed one before."

"What?" Asked Kutner, who had just woken up after falling asleep at the boredom of not being involved in the conversation.

"How long has uhh…. What's her name, Francois, been wearing the same diaper?" asked Chase.

"Since last night when I had my mom change her," Cameron responded.

"How old is this kid anyways?" Asked Kutner, _Kutting_ to the Chase, as he scooched closer to Chase again.

"One second, I'll go check the adoption certificate," replied Foreman, who had been hiding under the dresser the whole time.

There was twenty to forty minutes of awkward silence before Foreman came back with a Dairy Queen cup and chocolate sauce all over his face carrying a piece of paper which he had spilt a milkshake all over. "She's two and a half," Foreman had said as if the conversation had never ended and they weren't all staring at him.

"I guess that explains why she can talk," Chase said. Trying to plug his ears from the screams of "Daddy!" coming from the next room.

All of a sudden there was a flash of light in the closet and out walked House, Wilson, and Lucas soaking wet and covering themselves only with very small towels.

"I had my dick investigate!" House screamed.

"He means detective, that's what they call them in England!" Lucas said over-excitedly, a little too happy to be included in the conversation.

"Shut up!" House screamed. "Anyways I had my dick investigate and you two are gay! With a toddler! And thinking of moving in together!"


End file.
